Tomorrow

it will be hard for me if you say tomorrow

predicting what's gonna begin and end in a moment

your persuasion and passion i lick i can't wait no more

here i stand in a fragile gesture of atonement 

wondering can i make it before sun arise to shine

so i try my hardest to keep you alive in a first try

i don't mind of being slave to your love

as long as you live with my air

in anytime you'll be called by your creator

and i don't want that to happen

leaving me alone in a vast silence

with no words to memorize 

leaving our pictures on the floor

where tears and cries paint my face

and i remember you said

"it will be okay if i say tomorrow"

where tomorrow our love ends

where tomorrow we live in a two different world

the day after,there will be no "tomorrow" for us and for our destiny

i love you and i love you "tomorrow"

Underneath your tongue

you've said everything to me

your sweet punk promises 

your old obsolete words

think you can make me swallowed it

you've got me wrong 

im not an animal who can chew everything

i can stand crack the ground to knock you down 

i give you no chance for your final persuasion

you and i shall never be again together

forever.

My first love story

this is my love story to you i told

a girl with a short hair chiseled on my thought

we walk,we talk and we joke

everyday at school or even shiny day

wide smile,vast sense of humor and a sleek eyes

that features of yours weaken my strength away

its a must for a day to be with her

i shared my stories solely only to her

we talk the talk,laugh the stupidity out loud

with white moon glows at night

it takes only a few steps for me to see her

we're that close even in inch

some boys told a fairy tale story ere sleep

some boys drink a milk ere bed

but for a special boy like me,with a companies at night

nocturnal stars glittering shall never be off

the fairy tale stories shall never be end

i sleep with that stories

stories between me and her

dreamt about it then i shall never be awake

through wide harsh circumstances

to you i cling,for you i stand

of all those sweet little perish moment

ends up with only friends

between us,there's no intertwines 

not even a further bond that  I've made in my mind

you've set your boundaries for me not to intrude

for me not to discover your true sacred heart that rumors love

for your command i surrendered

your heart has spoken and i respect it willingly 

feels like playing under drizzling pouring rain 

so joyfully and its suddenly stops for no reasons

it breaks your heart apart knowing there will be no rainbow to create the heaven's hallway

for me a reasons to be happy and smile

presents,since you've secured your continent with a rage wall and brick

boughs and thickets shall never be grow under your wall

and that's my life ends,living under your soul that never enlightens me

and  i learnt from that..i learnt from you

love never turns bad if you let it go through your souls for true.

Loyalty

i wait for you

after a long time

now you'll come for true

does your love for me still shine?

i dreamt about this

but it turns out really weeping

i don't wanna be like this

for you our love is fleeing

i may be not good enough for you

but you know my love for you is more than just a roses

please do appreciate my waiting in a dark hue

it's worth for my life to go on even you refuse

i still love you

When she turned over the other side

you and i

we're mate,friends,and pal

I'll be crazy for you

to make you happy,to shine your day

I'll be insane without you even for a day

between you and i?  

is just a friends 

i think,

at one moment of time

i refuse to know,when my hearts telling me that 

"this is it,you've found your love"

is it?

can't be sure to myself

thousands of untold letter will be hatch

revealing my first love story

a first chapter of a beautiful elegiac novel

but,at one moment,i let it go..

i know it's unfortunate for me,but I've made my path even it's heaven's hallway..

to keep her away from my soul,behind my boundaries line

why? you never meant to be with me

I'm not your soul mate,.

i can't be a guy  to protect you and love you the way it's supposed to be

I'm turning the other way around  to not respond to your sensitive black charcoal eyes when you talked to me

I'll bared with it,thought that there might be a right guy for you instead of me

thought i couldn't make you happy

couldn't make you feel the passions of love

thought that I'm not matured enough to handle such a desired relationship

this time ,this moment,she doesn't know what i feel towards her

i may be bad to let her go on with her fantasies that keep her spinning around
but i can't,because i knew that's the only thing that will make her happy and smile every day

even it's gambling lies,it's worth the lies for good

presents,we're still friends for me..

in way of her thought there's no limitations for her to keep chanting the memories and love fantasies to play..

to play without even a pause,it's all a rewind back scenery..

I'm sorry for my ignorance and disrespectful act to your sacred scents towards me

I'm sorry for everything..

I'll pray for your sun to come to enlighten your soul

to continue your love chapter even without me,I'll be happy for you

sincerely thought and feelings from me..your friends for ever..")

'

Tender suit

thine grace and sacred soul

crossing over to my continent 

you flew and came by

to me you flicked,I'm fascinated
you're foot landed to my seashore

thine mitt i grabbed

thine lips i concealed 

thine skin i pampered

to me thine heart's echoed 

gave me a final call

for me to respond

it's the only thing i blasted

to you i trust to let me discover thine crust

my nodes working so fast

to me you yelled,to you i whispered

till one moment

a satisfaction between a seconds

thine souls back

retrieving delighting

it goes on and on till the bats hunt

to you i whispered

to thine suit i embraced

so softly and gentle

 cautious to fragile 

 as we sticking together side by side

chanting love quotes that never chew

to create a victory moment as a memory

 as a history to share

 of our love to live endlessly

to you my words flowed sincerely 

 without double hesitation

i said

i love you my angel..

i love you..

 

By the time im 20

My name is Gardner and I'm 20  years old..
it's not the beginning of my life,it's not the end..it's the mid..mid-year of my life being 20's.
I'm exciting,I'm fascinated by the adult dream..feeling that finally you've set to be free to flee..
discover the real world,discover your purpose of living..discover your own capabilities and abilities to reach your desired glory moment..but that's part of life is where i became so stupid and self centered to just thinking only to myself..to my own advantages,insist with my own way of living,ignoring her..through all that  time,being 20's being that number..is nothing..
it's only a 2 number that you proud to be..keeping your head held high alarmed to yourself that you can do anything that you wanted to do,anything to show your crowd that you've grown enough,attracting girls remembering the time i used to smoked,drank,sexed or even consuming drugs..
to all those things that i have done,it's nothing to me..it's like a daily basis things that you reminded to do. who remind me?? i don't know,no one comes in my mind..perhaps demon?or even evil devil? it's only a perhaps..i can't be sure to myself of being such a rude,pathetic,sinful son..although it seems to destroyed myself,at some point,ignorance do happen,the prons and cons,not even crossing my mind,too much into doing some bad things,its bad but it's pleased,time ran so fast till you can barely to breathe..



but it's all it..I'm stumble down,she gave me the final call..she gave me the signs and she warned me..it's all when i rewind it back..but when you play it..she's gone and my age?its reaching 21..its the end of being 20's..at that time i do understand that
being 2o's doesn't mean you know every way,high and low of life..and it's not like a radar..living by your own feet,hand fulls of gold and cashes,it will not bring you any real happiness,joy,bliss..it'll only brings you a hollow and shallow live with an empty silence,and you'll never know how lonely you'll  be..it's like living in the wide box painted white and soundless wall,grounded from the outside world?. yeah it's awful to think and that's my past tense.through the end of the road you finally realize that,the only thing you'll need is a north to guide to.. a radar hand to show you the way out..towards the happiness..as in pursuing your own limitless of being kind hearted and successful person in the world..
being 20's doesn't mean  you are an expertise in all things that come by
sometimes you are and sometimes you  aren't..by the time you aren't, the only one you want to talk to,the only number that you'll dial,the only one you thought of..is only her
being 20's doesn't mean you have to make your own decisions in anyway in what so ever kind of matter
sometimes we'll need someone to guide us..sometimes we need some one to be with us to make it through..
pull it through..make it happen..as you reaching the victory of your life and badly need some one to share with..and at that time,you've never gone beyond your brief, when it's happen you can only flash back all the memories tape on your mind..as a sweet memories that never vanish,as a sugarcane that never taste bitter..
as a beauteous picture frame that never stain..it'll be memorable..
Unfortunate for my soul,there's no scene that i can record,there's no words that i can hold and there's no picture of  her for me to keep..it's nothing. it's a once in a life time moment you can treasure..to be with her..to be with the strongest person on earth for labored me back then..it's a mitts of regrets the one that i hold now.. it's a frustrating,weeping, and rage scenic,the only i recorded and played for remembrance..

Visiting Aya

Dear aya...

i vow this message especially for you

to knowing that you're not here any more

it's more than 10 years now 

since you've died..

I'm missing thine smile and laugh

you're the sun for the leaves to grow,nay,

we need thou right by our side 

thine spirits instil into our souls

ought to know that,ever since thou left us

okaasan and otoosan can't stop crying

the fact that you're not exist any more,even in mist

thine shoes,pictures and school uniforms is the only thing you left

the only thing that we look at,through all night long...remembering you..

thought that..

do you have it all those things in there?

did someone tight up thine tangle hair?

did someone make a bento for you in the morn?

deep down inside my heart, i know you're happy now

it's because,i often seeing you crying at night,thinking that you've got no time left 

to spend with us..far away my eyes staring only you

some where i knew you've suffered enough,even a scratch on your skin

you couldn't feel the pain..your weeping mellow rhymes with thine soul

it comforts you from getting yourself too much being tortured by thine condition

sometimes people will ask  me,Is thine sister a handicap person?

and I'll say "yes,and why?she's just lacking of something,not losing something"

it makes my heart to stop pounding for a pause,i realized...she'll be okay 

she's fine..thought nothing will happen to her..

but that was a past tense feelings..

past tense events..and past tense memories..

 mourning to thine soul that flee,nothing but a present tense scenic

tears drowning vast as the oceans 

keeping in faith that you'll still be with us even its invisible through our naked eyes

and i believe someday..we'll be together again chanting jokes and songs

to be forever that never apart..

love Hiroshi,to Aya.

I've read Aya's diary recently,and she taught me on how to appreciate people around us.. to live fully with your love one,to please them and appreciate for their love...

seems that living in this world is a challenge for us

there's a high and low for everything

and for aya..she'd pass all those challenges and now...she's rest to a place that we'll heading

soon..by god's wish.

Values and lessons shall be instil to stay strong and keep our faith and believe to last to die.

God's will...

Die

when i die
to fly
I'll say goodbye
don't ask me why
the reasons i die
and don't cry
its only for a moment to vie
we'll meet soon to say hi
I'll wait for you to be a guy
that you'd love me ere till i die
I'll wait for you till the ocean dry

Kiss

just say

the day 

we used to play

in a beauteous bay

where we used to be gay

we holds and we lay

to kiss you if you may

i make a hay 

whilst the sun ray

i won't delay

the birds sing,nay,couples of jay

my eyes closed to thee i pray

just say 

the day

to last to gay

Remembrance

i can't be strong,i can't be tough

because you're not here with me

I'm just a boy who can't laugh

through all night long remembering you

the wind's froze,my bones are shaking

the pillow you gave the one i hold

the one i trust to share my tears

can't bare to cry just keep going

thine voice is so soothing

thine skin is so tender

the rain drizzle keep pouring

to your face,i surrender

to thee the one i talked to

to wish you were here and near

but right now its crystal clear

to have you its not simple

i wrote this gift as soon as i realized that,by the time we need someone that we love and care the most to be on our side,its not that easy to have to,the only thing that we can do is refreshing all the sweet memories and remember it till you smile.

Tell me something

i xxx up myself on the double decker bed in the end
where i played and hid only to myself
somewhere i realized,I'm alone and its pain
alone.abandoned.and silence is the only i have

how "empty silence" meant to you?
would you give me a lights of joy?
for me its nothing even a hue
grow myself,behave a ploy

  

"The time i didn't stood up for her"

Eyns blinking,lashes blow the withering wind away

brows stretching eyns weeping

face wincing 

to prostrate oneself on the wet grass

souls rasping and pray to thee

dear my mighty thee

couldst thou

 turn back to the halcyon days

where she plays a role as a motherly mother whose alarmed with my cries at the owl's night

awoke in every single ticks of time

to keep me silent as she sang me a song

the stars blinking the moon smiling

picturesque in a beauteous scenic as i fell asleep

couldst thou 

turn back on time the moment she laboured me?

yawned to death,howled to vied to give a soul to the innocents soul

and soon raising a bairn 

as the time flies,till its stop

couldst thou

 recreate the exact memories that sealed?

the shelter and comfort that she gave

the alms that she provide with a harsh palm

deep down inside

somewhere i knew

she's keeping her smile too often for me till she's forgot to keep hers

she knacked it

couldst thou thee?

couldst thou?

as the wind slopes,the weather sharps

my guilt picturesque in front of me

my mitts sweats of regrets

bemoaning the chance i used to have

to love her

to embrace her

but i missed it

by making a thousands of reasons to not to be with her

missed of saying "thank you"

missed of saying "i love you"

but i never missed of saying "i hate you"

how cruel would i be?

how demons get into me?

i just don't know

and that's when i didn't stood up for her and it's a past tense memories. 

I used to be "Gemini"

Dear gemini

i stared at you amongst thousands of constellations

with my eyes wide opened

where tears drowning the place i be

relinquished strength and thrives

i surrendered

unknown disease crept me up

thine hands i grabbed

even i slept

it strolled and its pain

the time it ambush

I'm hapless and I'm blanched

i walked with a springy steps

i read but i spelled

i spoke but i stammered

i wrote but i scribbled

it took piece of mine,it's not noble

i cried

it won't dry

I'm struggled and vied with spirits
to be normal as ere
my hues of light turns pale
dream and future was just a paint with no rainbow
its cropped out
I'm suffered hunger for air
sometimes i choke whilst i munched
sometimes i fell for no reasons
till summer seasons
one day
i laid,woke up and i strove to rose
foot stepped the floor the marbles made
i fainted i saw heaven
where doves chirping also raven
its seven
melancholies descends cry my mom i heard
my body statue,my soul flew
i saw the light the angels guard
the place i be the sky  is blue
to me the white moon whispered
Dear gemini,i stared at you amongst thousands of stars
with thy eyes closed
where place no tears to be left to drown.

Soul Surrender

Walking on the monotony of the widest desert

foot stepping blow the sand away

foot steps followed by the soul shadows

copses and thickets will not grow

wind whispering,the sands dancing 

I'm thine dear god

took my heart as thou took hers 

knee kneeling cracks the earth 

rain drizzling ready to cry

its surprising 

heat scents burn our memories away

hand grasping,holding hopes

eyes crying,the wind slopes

vying with feelings

caught up in the abhorrence of sadness

relinquishing out of the blue

here i am talk the talk

admonishing mistakes

the clouds scudding

facing the music,even its excruciating 

for thy sake,I'm willing

slaved me and took me

walking on the monotony of the widest desert

with no steps and shadows appear.

It's Yours

Your voice break the sky apart

Your scents blossom the cherish pink roses

Your touch live my soul alive

Your sight silence my world out of the galaxies

I amazed you,I adored you

Your glare,your tenderness,your softness,your fragile,your everything

I like you and i love you

Believe me and trust me

Bring you to the other shores of life.

Live together,Love forever

Till the end.

Dolphin's diary : God has chosen me

Today i was told to make a diary

Signs and symptoms of a dying dove

Pains and hives, makes me barmy

Wondering what i have,and what i strove 

I wrote every day and every line

Thoughts and feelings i paste on a paper

Drops of ink,tears of mine

Continue to write,i won't hover

Mom and Dad keep in silent

Showing their great tact of a heartless folks

Putting their smile,pretend it,is their talent

Deep down in my heart,i know they don't joke

Family gathered on a delightful dinner

Laugh and smile,they've hogged

I stared,I glanced and I treasured 

It's rare,air of blissful covered by fog

Lay on the bed as i thought

Will my blood flows normally?

Snow White poisoned and she fought

Thought that god has chosen me

Midnight Question

I was born with a small ribs

But i raised with a big heart

Forehead signed with my lips

Does your hair flow side right?

Hair made by golden silk

Flew by wind,its fine

Hearts pound  for you,whip i flicked

Does your soul rhyme with mine?

Our memories rest never fade

Can "I" and "You" be a"We"?

Loving you since first grade

Asking you do you LOVE me?

Heart's Avenue

It's windy on the cloudy day

It's happened the same day by day

You've played my heart,and you said

"I'll let you free and I'm not gay"

Staring down outside the window

Thought "will i be a widow?"

Once or twice it'll not grow

As my love for you are getting slow

You've made my memories,it won't last

Although it makes me increasingly downcast

Scar's of heart,you have caused,curing so fast

The gun i hold,your heart i blast

I've give to you my heart before

I'll take it back,never be bore

My love for you nothing but sore

Ashes of our love,I'll throw at shore

I live my life without you

I've earned the lessons,to me you blew

The word i vowed,now i chew

Solemnly sense,I won't love you

Love Confession

Love..

One word describes everything

Every detail of my chapter

My life

Sometimes i cried,sometimes i laughed

Sometimes I'm blessed,sometimes i don't

You caused me this

For you my heart starts pounding

Eyes seeing your love with wide eyes open

Deeper than the ocean

Higher than the sky

Bright as the cloud

Catching glimpse of love of yours

Spending my life loving you

and i won't left a day

Loving you was insane

but it was blessing in disguise

I'm speechless,can't describe by words

but my heart do speak with melodies

Our melodies

Our song

Our tone

I made for you

Only you,the only one 

I dreamt this big

Never seen your orbs this big

and i do love you this big

Loved me and you know how big my love for you

I love you.

Sighing

My word is sighing

My sighing is the only word

Expressing word by sighing

Built up by thousands of orb

And I'm sighing

Conveying,showing the orbs of feeling

It can be sun,it can be rain

Stone or gold

My word is sighing

My sighing is the only word

Warmth breath exhaled 

Flowing air dragged a scroll

Prons or cons

Dollar or cents

My word is sighing

My sighing is the only word

It brings a lot

Implicit words beyond the wind

It takes a portion of lessons and values

My word is sighing

The only word that meant

Feel it,taste it and through it

Tied the rope up

Solve everything

on ease

Neither victory nor sacrifices

My word is sighing

My sighing is the only word

Once in a blue moon

Roses's petal dried to falls..

The earth silence,the guns growl..

People died,leaving soul..

Protecting soul,the only sole..

Spirits and strength,they're all gone..

They took her out,be a pawn..

Trying to run,never be shown..

What on earth,i have own..

Crying for her in a bloody lawn..

Hold on to her till its dawn..

Sounds cracked the earth apart..

No angels who conceal my heart..

Ashes and tears covered the yard..

Guns and bullets in collecting jar..

Closing my eyes,left me a scar..

Howling to pain,howling to vie..

Till the wind blew it dry..

Leapt to her as i cry..

Wondering how,wondering why..

Hope its lie..

She had died..

"I Do"

The chronicles of my life the way its start..

When a lovely flower touches my heart..

Together they bond never be apart..

Its a newlywed's marriage in a beautiful yard..

Its all began when i say "i do"..

Its same goes to you..

We sheathe the ring the diamonds is blue..

A vowed that i blew..

Flows with a picturesque tone that i drew..

It will be a new page for a new chapter..

Go through all our life's neither sweet nor bitter..

Ill be stand by you forever..

As i concealed my arms to you nothing but a shelter..

It was a blessing in disguise..

Marrying to you nothing but wise..

Together we grow our love to rise..

Sacrificing my soul to you that never lies..

That's how i love you till i dies..

Letters to heaven

The first time i met you..

You glowed like shining stars..

Crossed my heart inside..

Fell me into you..

I'm in love..

Unfortunately, its just a halcyon day..

Where i used to prayed...

Hoping and relied on god for our love to stay..

Rains fell on me without nothing to say..

Its all too sudden as i thought while i lay..

Like its the first time i felt this way...

First time..

Two words with a different chime..

It was my "First" sight seeing you nothing but prime..

Thought it wasn't a crime..

As the "Time" flies across the line...

Its a memories,Its all mine..

As she goes to the other side of life..

I'm out of the blue ready to rife..

She did died,that's my wife..

Wisdom and strength that's all i strive..

It's like Jake and Rose died in love as they dived..

Im alone,speechless,hapless even im alive..

its pain as a hive..

Sighing no words to say..

living like no rainbow after rain..

Continued to live even its ailed..

Hoping there's a slice of heaven for me to railed..

From now,Im here,ready to sailed..

To the journey after her..

And i won't failed..

Thanks to her..

Thanks to my "Wife"..

The bittersweet of a dole letter..

The way its end..

Goodbye...

Love,Your Husband Raffy..

Love Avowed

Only if..

Only if you go..

Away from me..

I would die for you..

Knowing you 're my blood..

My air to inhale in every sec..

My veins to my heart..

Beating for you..

By hand to hand...

Chest to chest..

Eyes to eyes..

Those sights can't barely moves amazed by the delightful sights of yours..

Staring pensively to your heart and soul for clue..

Strive and keen searching only you..

My feeling and love to you nothing but true..

I'm begging you..

Ceased me from rolling in the out of the blue..

Repeating words to you that never chew..

Only if you see the implicitly faith that i drew..

Only if..

Only if you're gone..

Only if you go..

Nothing at all

Here I'm standing with rains falling..

clouds and tears scudding..

till its stop with your "word"avowing..

still YOU left me behind without no word saying..

my soul and heart tearing apart as i crying..

my melancholy cries heard by the thousands of bird chirping..

still..

YOU left me no final kiss..

YOU left me no final embrace..

YOU left me no final word..

YOU left me clueless..

YOU just watched me die,from behind..

without knowing I'm hunger for your love..

I'm helpless..

hapless..

as a broken wing dove..

hardly to bond my love to YOU,but i strove..

for our love...

still...

you left me nothing..

no even single scents of yours..

lingering skins of yours..

the only left was bittersweet of ours..

chasing pavements of ours..

tasting it..

through it..

dolefully...

YOU left me nothing..

nothing..

nothing...

even goodbye..

Thought i have it all..

I'm crossing over,saying to YOU my last goodbye..

Only mistakes and regrets,memories made..

The monotony pattern of our love..still,even I'm in hades

Still YOU left me nothing..

Changes nothing..

Nothing at all...

Heart is bursting at the seams over tears.

I'm used to mirth..

used to be joyed..

used to be someone that i loved..

but it's differ now, living in a empty wide white empty room..

all those from halcyon days in a moment where the day the sun stood still to shine joyfully.

Before long,the soulfully,dawning sun heralded the end of the gravely gloom day,

just..

just...

let everything go,as its the end of life..the after life would be never change at all..it wouldn't be exist as i considered my self to be appeared,away from the out of the blue,souls departing away from the unheard voices, unheard cries of a innocent peoples. 

My eyes now are red soon it will be blue,seeing things that human can't see..i wish it to happen..someday,soon,later OR even now...

People do feel blissful,prosperous or even pulling someones leg,but...there's a grain of truth behind everything,there's a dole behind happiness..then just take a moment to really see others people life,how worsen it would be,how devastated it would be..we never know,but all that matters, we DO have feelings,do care to other people,love other people without "calculate" everything as we are,human creation's of god the residents of the earth..DO LOVE,DO UNDERSTANDING....ME AS AN UNOCCUPIED FEELINGS TALKING....

The last "Fin" (Part 1)

Hearts pumping..hand shivered..he never wanted all this to happen,he never asked,but it's destined as if its out of the blue.It was 50 presently it'll be 59.

He was deeply aware of his melancholy as he stood in the elevator meeting up his "wife" at 59.

God knows how sad he is,calamitous elvis has left the building soon,but all he can do is just face the music,only with consent feeling and sigh..relinquishing tears.

Despite of the ending, he pretend to be calm and not to shows his disappointment,he smiled instead,as a clown often convey his happiness as if he don't but things are out of his control.Shortly after..."ting"sounds to be appeared,the doors open,once its open,he can perceived the scents of her hair, lingering of her smoothest,softness skins....all those odors are scents that he smelled in the early morning,at owl's night,every second with her was just valuable,countless moment that he'll never forget.

She show up then in front of the elevator door confront her "husband" hoping it wasn't be real to face those devastating circumstance but it's roofless at that moment. Each of them greeted one another with sounds of wistful." Hey...umm....are you okay," he said doleful. "I'm fine" she spell it out as she pretend to,both with a short respond to expressed,out of word of saying goodbye.

She was barely crying,she was bear on to it...trying not to show it up..she was endured inside as battling herself alone..only if  she wanted to embrace him much..holding tight to his chest and let the tears drowning down to his shoulder..but it's all a picture paints a thousand words.

It was a "broken-hearted girl"role  for her to stood facing her significant other with gravely messages,verbally. 

Before long,He could see her eyes suffered from the bittersweet ending,it was like both soul crying mournfully in the miles of dessert.. soon he realized that he can''t cope up with it,can't stand the tears of ocean to drown  her down."He"then.."TBC"

Sounds Of Doleful ( Part 1 )

Life would be effortless if you do make it easier..

living with lit's on,in a rough plane

unpainted wall,soulful wind,heartless tone, would be nothing better to live with and keeping yourself in seclusion's and conveying your great tact...

Piano's note,those notes,those sounds..some make it so joyful to hear,some excruciating pain causes,heart broken-abandoned,it's all living by itself....

but for some reasons it's painless, feeling numbed used to be let down,used to be hurt,extremely till you can't even let your tears down touches the earth,but soon it was your heart who brought down leaving your soul away,seaming hopes..

left unknown.....

Needed somebody,someone,who can puzzled it up all together,at the moment,i'm laying down anxiously showing my abhorrence of disappointment..

decent of melancholy cries and I'm certainly weren't abashed with it.

Only if i could,only if..i would be rather to cross over..but thinking of the old folks...do really make the cheeks watery,intend to die was just a visions,a look to the after solutions....

Being a loner really do help "the kids"to find it's own shelter,food..

thinking I'm the one..I'm the kid..self sensitivity was an intruders presence and I'm holding tights to my mom's shawl as an armor,feeling to be secure and care,love besides,eyes on to watch me,the only thing that works on me was just her,him and them..it's all family at last for some people "family" do important to them...

but for me,it was a seconds of my breath,veins to my heart,soul to my body..drops of tears..it's all wrapped into one single word "family".

As the owl awaken from the day,clock's shows north,my heart's lid began to close and I'm waiting,waiting and waiting for the next sun to rise on the other side's of earth.till then "TBC"