Tomorrow

it will be hard for me if you say tomorrow

predicting what's gonna begin and end in a moment

your persuasion and passion i lick i can't wait no more

here i stand in a fragile gesture of atonement 

wondering can i make it before sun arise to shine

so i try my hardest to keep you alive in a first try

i don't mind of being slave to your love

as long as you live with my air

in anytime you'll be called by your creator

and i don't want that to happen

leaving me alone in a vast silence

with no words to memorize 

leaving our pictures on the floor

where tears and cries paint my face

and i remember you said

"it will be okay if i say tomorrow"

where tomorrow our love ends

where tomorrow we live in a two different world

the day after,there will be no "tomorrow" for us and for our destiny

i love you and i love you "tomorrow"

Underneath your tongue

you've said everything to me

your sweet punk promises 

your old obsolete words

think you can make me swallowed it

you've got me wrong 

im not an animal who can chew everything

i can stand crack the ground to knock you down 

i give you no chance for your final persuasion

you and i shall never be again together

forever.

My first love story

this is my love story to you i told

a girl with a short hair chiseled on my thought

we walk,we talk and we joke

everyday at school or even shiny day

wide smile,vast sense of humor and a sleek eyes

that features of yours weaken my strength away

its a must for a day to be with her

i shared my stories solely only to her

we talk the talk,laugh the stupidity out loud

with white moon glows at night

it takes only a few steps for me to see her

we're that close even in inch

some boys told a fairy tale story ere sleep

some boys drink a milk ere bed

but for a special boy like me,with a companies at night

nocturnal stars glittering shall never be off

the fairy tale stories shall never be end

i sleep with that stories

stories between me and her

dreamt about it then i shall never be awake

through wide harsh circumstances

to you i cling,for you i stand

of all those sweet little perish moment

ends up with only friends

between us,there's no intertwines 

not even a further bond that  I've made in my mind

you've set your boundaries for me not to intrude

for me not to discover your true sacred heart that rumors love

for your command i surrendered

your heart has spoken and i respect it willingly 

feels like playing under drizzling pouring rain 

so joyfully and its suddenly stops for no reasons

it breaks your heart apart knowing there will be no rainbow to create the heaven's hallway

for me a reasons to be happy and smile

presents,since you've secured your continent with a rage wall and brick

boughs and thickets shall never be grow under your wall

and that's my life ends,living under your soul that never enlightens me

and  i learnt from that..i learnt from you

love never turns bad if you let it go through your souls for true.

Loyalty

i wait for you

after a long time

now you'll come for true

does your love for me still shine?

i dreamt about this

but it turns out really weeping

i don't wanna be like this

for you our love is fleeing

i may be not good enough for you

but you know my love for you is more than just a roses

please do appreciate my waiting in a dark hue

it's worth for my life to go on even you refuse

i still love you

When she turned over the other side

you and i

we're mate,friends,and pal

I'll be crazy for you

to make you happy,to shine your day

I'll be insane without you even for a day

between you and i?  

is just a friends 

i think,

at one moment of time

i refuse to know,when my hearts telling me that 

"this is it,you've found your love"

is it?

can't be sure to myself

thousands of untold letter will be hatch

revealing my first love story

a first chapter of a beautiful elegiac novel

but,at one moment,i let it go..

i know it's unfortunate for me,but I've made my path even it's heaven's hallway..

to keep her away from my soul,behind my boundaries line

why? you never meant to be with me

I'm not your soul mate,.

i can't be a guy  to protect you and love you the way it's supposed to be

I'm turning the other way around  to not respond to your sensitive black charcoal eyes when you talked to me

I'll bared with it,thought that there might be a right guy for you instead of me

thought i couldn't make you happy

couldn't make you feel the passions of love

thought that I'm not matured enough to handle such a desired relationship

this time ,this moment,she doesn't know what i feel towards her

i may be bad to let her go on with her fantasies that keep her spinning around
but i can't,because i knew that's the only thing that will make her happy and smile every day

even it's gambling lies,it's worth the lies for good

presents,we're still friends for me..

in way of her thought there's no limitations for her to keep chanting the memories and love fantasies to play..

to play without even a pause,it's all a rewind back scenery..

I'm sorry for my ignorance and disrespectful act to your sacred scents towards me

I'm sorry for everything..

I'll pray for your sun to come to enlighten your soul

to continue your love chapter even without me,I'll be happy for you

sincerely thought and feelings from me..your friends for ever..")

'

Tender suit

thine grace and sacred soul

crossing over to my continent 

you flew and came by

to me you flicked,I'm fascinated
you're foot landed to my seashore

thine mitt i grabbed

thine lips i concealed 

thine skin i pampered

to me thine heart's echoed 

gave me a final call

for me to respond

it's the only thing i blasted

to you i trust to let me discover thine crust

my nodes working so fast

to me you yelled,to you i whispered

till one moment

a satisfaction between a seconds

thine souls back

retrieving delighting

it goes on and on till the bats hunt

to you i whispered

to thine suit i embraced

so softly and gentle

 cautious to fragile 

 as we sticking together side by side

chanting love quotes that never chew

to create a victory moment as a memory

 as a history to share

 of our love to live endlessly

to you my words flowed sincerely 

 without double hesitation

i said

i love you my angel..

i love you..

 

By the time im 20

My name is Gardner and I'm 20  years old..
it's not the beginning of my life,it's not the end..it's the mid..mid-year of my life being 20's.
I'm exciting,I'm fascinated by the adult dream..feeling that finally you've set to be free to flee..
discover the real world,discover your purpose of living..discover your own capabilities and abilities to reach your desired glory moment..but that's part of life is where i became so stupid and self centered to just thinking only to myself..to my own advantages,insist with my own way of living,ignoring her..through all that  time,being 20's being that number..is nothing..
it's only a 2 number that you proud to be..keeping your head held high alarmed to yourself that you can do anything that you wanted to do,anything to show your crowd that you've grown enough,attracting girls remembering the time i used to smoked,drank,sexed or even consuming drugs..
to all those things that i have done,it's nothing to me..it's like a daily basis things that you reminded to do. who remind me?? i don't know,no one comes in my mind..perhaps demon?or even evil devil? it's only a perhaps..i can't be sure to myself of being such a rude,pathetic,sinful son..although it seems to destroyed myself,at some point,ignorance do happen,the prons and cons,not even crossing my mind,too much into doing some bad things,its bad but it's pleased,time ran so fast till you can barely to breathe..



but it's all it..I'm stumble down,she gave me the final call..she gave me the signs and she warned me..it's all when i rewind it back..but when you play it..she's gone and my age?its reaching 21..its the end of being 20's..at that time i do understand that
being 2o's doesn't mean you know every way,high and low of life..and it's not like a radar..living by your own feet,hand fulls of gold and cashes,it will not bring you any real happiness,joy,bliss..it'll only brings you a hollow and shallow live with an empty silence,and you'll never know how lonely you'll  be..it's like living in the wide box painted white and soundless wall,grounded from the outside world?. yeah it's awful to think and that's my past tense.through the end of the road you finally realize that,the only thing you'll need is a north to guide to.. a radar hand to show you the way out..towards the happiness..as in pursuing your own limitless of being kind hearted and successful person in the world..
being 20's doesn't mean  you are an expertise in all things that come by
sometimes you are and sometimes you  aren't..by the time you aren't, the only one you want to talk to,the only number that you'll dial,the only one you thought of..is only her
being 20's doesn't mean you have to make your own decisions in anyway in what so ever kind of matter
sometimes we'll need someone to guide us..sometimes we need some one to be with us to make it through..
pull it through..make it happen..as you reaching the victory of your life and badly need some one to share with..and at that time,you've never gone beyond your brief, when it's happen you can only flash back all the memories tape on your mind..as a sweet memories that never vanish,as a sugarcane that never taste bitter..
as a beauteous picture frame that never stain..it'll be memorable..
Unfortunate for my soul,there's no scene that i can record,there's no words that i can hold and there's no picture of  her for me to keep..it's nothing. it's a once in a life time moment you can treasure..to be with her..to be with the strongest person on earth for labored me back then..it's a mitts of regrets the one that i hold now.. it's a frustrating,weeping, and rage scenic,the only i recorded and played for remembrance..

Visiting Aya

Dear aya...

i vow this message especially for you

to knowing that you're not here any more

it's more than 10 years now 

since you've died..

I'm missing thine smile and laugh

you're the sun for the leaves to grow,nay,

we need thou right by our side 

thine spirits instil into our souls

ought to know that,ever since thou left us

okaasan and otoosan can't stop crying

the fact that you're not exist any more,even in mist

thine shoes,pictures and school uniforms is the only thing you left

the only thing that we look at,through all night long...remembering you..

thought that..

do you have it all those things in there?

did someone tight up thine tangle hair?

did someone make a bento for you in the morn?

deep down inside my heart, i know you're happy now

it's because,i often seeing you crying at night,thinking that you've got no time left 

to spend with us..far away my eyes staring only you

some where i knew you've suffered enough,even a scratch on your skin

you couldn't feel the pain..your weeping mellow rhymes with thine soul

it comforts you from getting yourself too much being tortured by thine condition

sometimes people will ask  me,Is thine sister a handicap person?

and I'll say "yes,and why?she's just lacking of something,not losing something"

it makes my heart to stop pounding for a pause,i realized...she'll be okay 

she's fine..thought nothing will happen to her..

but that was a past tense feelings..

past tense events..and past tense memories..

 mourning to thine soul that flee,nothing but a present tense scenic

tears drowning vast as the oceans 

keeping in faith that you'll still be with us even its invisible through our naked eyes

and i believe someday..we'll be together again chanting jokes and songs

to be forever that never apart..

love Hiroshi,to Aya.

I've read Aya's diary recently,and she taught me on how to appreciate people around us.. to live fully with your love one,to please them and appreciate for their love...

seems that living in this world is a challenge for us

there's a high and low for everything

and for aya..she'd pass all those challenges and now...she's rest to a place that we'll heading

soon..by god's wish.

Values and lessons shall be instil to stay strong and keep our faith and believe to last to die.

God's will...

Die

when i die
to fly
I'll say goodbye
don't ask me why
the reasons i die
and don't cry
its only for a moment to vie
we'll meet soon to say hi
I'll wait for you to be a guy
that you'd love me ere till i die
I'll wait for you till the ocean dry

Kiss

just say

the day 

we used to play

in a beauteous bay

where we used to be gay

we holds and we lay

to kiss you if you may

i make a hay 

whilst the sun ray

i won't delay

the birds sing,nay,couples of jay

my eyes closed to thee i pray

just say 

the day

to last to gay