By the time im 20

My name is Gardner and I'm 20  years old..
it's not the beginning of my life,it's not the end..it's the mid..mid-year of my life being 20's.
I'm exciting,I'm fascinated by the adult dream..feeling that finally you've set to be free to flee..
discover the real world,discover your purpose of living..discover your own capabilities and abilities to reach your desired glory moment..but that's part of life is where i became so stupid and self centered to just thinking only to myself..to my own advantages,insist with my own way of living,ignoring her..through all that  time,being 20's being that number..is nothing..
it's only a 2 number that you proud to be..keeping your head held high alarmed to yourself that you can do anything that you wanted to do,anything to show your crowd that you've grown enough,attracting girls remembering the time i used to smoked,drank,sexed or even consuming drugs..
to all those things that i have done,it's nothing to me..it's like a daily basis things that you reminded to do. who remind me?? i don't know,no one comes in my mind..perhaps demon?or even evil devil? it's only a perhaps..i can't be sure to myself of being such a rude,pathetic,sinful son..although it seems to destroyed myself,at some point,ignorance do happen,the prons and cons,not even crossing my mind,too much into doing some bad things,its bad but it's pleased,time ran so fast till you can barely to breathe..



but it's all it..I'm stumble down,she gave me the final call..she gave me the signs and she warned me..it's all when i rewind it back..but when you play it..she's gone and my age?its reaching 21..its the end of being 20's..at that time i do understand that
being 2o's doesn't mean you know every way,high and low of life..and it's not like a radar..living by your own feet,hand fulls of gold and cashes,it will not bring you any real happiness,joy,bliss..it'll only brings you a hollow and shallow live with an empty silence,and you'll never know how lonely you'll  be..it's like living in the wide box painted white and soundless wall,grounded from the outside world?. yeah it's awful to think and that's my past tense.through the end of the road you finally realize that,the only thing you'll need is a north to guide to.. a radar hand to show you the way out..towards the happiness..as in pursuing your own limitless of being kind hearted and successful person in the world..
being 20's doesn't mean  you are an expertise in all things that come by
sometimes you are and sometimes you  aren't..by the time you aren't, the only one you want to talk to,the only number that you'll dial,the only one you thought of..is only her
being 20's doesn't mean you have to make your own decisions in anyway in what so ever kind of matter
sometimes we'll need someone to guide us..sometimes we need some one to be with us to make it through..
pull it through..make it happen..as you reaching the victory of your life and badly need some one to share with..and at that time,you've never gone beyond your brief, when it's happen you can only flash back all the memories tape on your mind..as a sweet memories that never vanish,as a sugarcane that never taste bitter..
as a beauteous picture frame that never stain..it'll be memorable..
Unfortunate for my soul,there's no scene that i can record,there's no words that i can hold and there's no picture of  her for me to keep..it's nothing. it's a once in a life time moment you can treasure..to be with her..to be with the strongest person on earth for labored me back then..it's a mitts of regrets the one that i hold now.. it's a frustrating,weeping, and rage scenic,the only i recorded and played for remembrance..